In search of... what?

First blog from the Big Apple.
A morning of feeling frustrated by the cold and deprived of coffee and I decided to head in from Queens where I've been staying these past few days (another story - perhaps not fit to publish on the internet) and find Culture Espresso which is apparently a Melbourne-style espresso coffee joint.

Upon entering, I was overjoyed to see the words 'flat' and 'white' strung together on the blackboard menu.
The joy turned to disappointment upon delivery of said flat white. Watery and with scalded milk; the resemblance it bore in appearance to a flat white made it all the more distasteful.

Consulting my trusty iPhone I searched the New York city map for something in the surrounding streets that might interest me and get me out of the cold and that is how I find myself here, right now in the New York Public Library.
Like everything else I've encountered in New York, it seems overgrown and confusing to navigate.
And of course the hardest thing is, I don't even know what I'm looking for. If I knew that there was a reading room or a particular book here that I wanted to find, then I would be able to concentrate my efforts on finding that particular thing. But until classes start on the 24th, I'm really just a lost soul, wandering the streets of New York or the halls of this library.

In a bar I went to on New Years Eve, I met a guy who asked me what it was I had come to New York to find. I was stumped by this one. I think that the focus of my studies had led me to consider 'going to New York' to be an activity to undertake, like a project.

But perhaps deep down I held a belief that this really was a magical city where I might find something I've always wanted, but couldn't dream of finding in the mundane environment of home; true love, outrageous success, the key to my eternal happiness.
I remember as my plane flew in over Long Beach to JFK airport, I was looking down at the streetlights which are orangey-yellow here, not the white I'm used to back home. The weaving path of jewelled streetlights sparkled and I thought to myself that maybe the streets here really are paved in gold.

Perhaps what I'm searching for is an answer to what I want to find in my life.
In an environment such as I'm in now, where everything is unfamiliar - every street corner, every logo and package in the supermarket, I will be forced to examine what's around me more carefully. I will have to think about what I really want and try to seek that out.
So wish me luck on this extraordinary game of seek.

And of course, I miss you too dear sister.
So much so that sometimes my chest feels like it will burst.

Busy work

Dear sister assures me she too will be posting something soon. She's been busy wrangling her inquisitive 3 year old and the baby Gus, who is already on the go; strong legs giving him the push off he needs to scoot on his back to exciting places like underneath tables.


Meanwhile I too have been busy, preparing to push off to New York.
There is a lot to be done before moving overseas however through the efforts of one jam-packed Thursday, I've actually done all of these things.


Now this is not the worst thing that could happen by far. The worst thing would be if it were the day before I was to leave and I still didn't have my visa and my bank balance was 8 cents. Some people might even think that it is a good thing, to be so organised. That I could just relax now that I've got it all under control. The problem lies in the fact that I'm a born worrier so when I had a list of things to focus on, I had a list of things I could actively work upon to feel proactive and keep my anxiety at bay.


I relate strongly with Misha's character in Dr Zhivago of whom it is said, "A feeling of care remained his ultimate mainspring and was not relieved and ennobled by a sense of security."


Now with there nothing to do before I go but wait. I have opened myself up, like a Pandora's box, to the worst kind of niggling worries.


I actually convinced myself the other day that I would not in fact be able to go to New York as I didn't know how to tip.
When thinking on it in a spare moment of rationality I concluded that as an intelligent adult I would perhaps be able to figure out tipping, or perhaps if measures were really desperate, ask someone.

To distract myself from all of the pointless worry, I went out and bought a very cool item which I believe my dear sister had been eyeing off as a potential Christmas present for me (sorry!); the Moleskin New York guide.
I've had Moleskin diaries before and while they're incredibly cool, I find that at $30 a pop, they're a little too expensive for my pointless and long winded scribblings.
But the New York guide is worth every penny, even when it will be filled with all of my pointless scribblings.
It has a large overview map of New York City, a subway map, 26 pages of maps plus a street directory and then lots of blank pages for your own notes. So in every spare moment of worry I've been diving into the internet and looking up things I might need to know, like where to get the best coffee near my hotel (Culture Espresso Bar) and the exact location of the street that the opening credits of 'Flight of The Conchords'  was shot on (Henry St in Chinatown).

So now when I get to New York I will have my own little customised guidebook and I have the added bonus of the feeling of busy-ness to distract me from all the dread! Perfect!